What constitutes itself as food these days is usually some sort of ripoff of other food. For example: Taco Bell. Also, Toffuti. But enough about brands. It's really mostly soy's fault. I don't know if it's because it's diverse, flexible, or has a natural taste of rubber that reminds food scientists of chicken, but soy impersonates more actual food than any other impersonation impersonates other impersonatables. It's only non-imposter product would be soy sauce, which is liquid salt.
(Bad joke time? Soy's liquid imposter product of Kosher salt would be Oy Sauce. Don't worry, I'll throw my own tomatoes at myself.)
When impersonating food, it seems it's more important to look like the thing you're trying to be than to taste like it. This would be similar to starting a Kiss cover band with 4 guys with big curly-ish brown hair, lots of chest hair and diligent and precise face-painting skills. Who have no idea how to play instruments. I think people would get excited at first, but then leave once they either heard that they didn't sound like Kiss, or remembered that Kiss sucks to begin with, and a Kiss cover band could only be 85% as good as Kiss, which is like asking for 85% of a pile of shit in your face. Unless you like Kiss. In which case it's like asking for 85% of a pile of shit in your face that you like. Another example would be if you replaced my father with former NBA common-card Bill Wennington. Sure he'd look the same, but we'd never be able to take him seriously with that Kings jersey on. Plus, I'd dunk on him.
The point is, food imposters need to do the thing the food they're impostering does moreso than they need to appear similar to the food they're imposterifizing. If you put a blue square of substance on my plate and told me it tasted like meatballs, I probably wouldn't believe you. But I would taste it. And if it tasted more like meatballs than the brownish spheres found at any non-middle-east vegeterain restaurant, I'd probably eat a lot of it. Because falafel. That's the brown spherical thing at the middle-east restaurant.
So you see, it's better to be true to who you are, and not lie about things. You end up in jail this way, and prisoners get raped.
And now it's time to watch out Tofu. Your ass is about to become the newest waterslide at Rykers.
(Bad joke time? Soy's liquid imposter product of Kosher salt would be Oy Sauce. Don't worry, I'll throw my own tomatoes at myself.)
When impersonating food, it seems it's more important to look like the thing you're trying to be than to taste like it. This would be similar to starting a Kiss cover band with 4 guys with big curly-ish brown hair, lots of chest hair and diligent and precise face-painting skills. Who have no idea how to play instruments. I think people would get excited at first, but then leave once they either heard that they didn't sound like Kiss, or remembered that Kiss sucks to begin with, and a Kiss cover band could only be 85% as good as Kiss, which is like asking for 85% of a pile of shit in your face. Unless you like Kiss. In which case it's like asking for 85% of a pile of shit in your face that you like. Another example would be if you replaced my father with former NBA common-card Bill Wennington. Sure he'd look the same, but we'd never be able to take him seriously with that Kings jersey on. Plus, I'd dunk on him.
The point is, food imposters need to do the thing the food they're impostering does moreso than they need to appear similar to the food they're imposterifizing. If you put a blue square of substance on my plate and told me it tasted like meatballs, I probably wouldn't believe you. But I would taste it. And if it tasted more like meatballs than the brownish spheres found at any non-middle-east vegeterain restaurant, I'd probably eat a lot of it. Because falafel. That's the brown spherical thing at the middle-east restaurant.
So you see, it's better to be true to who you are, and not lie about things. You end up in jail this way, and prisoners get raped.
And now it's time to watch out Tofu. Your ass is about to become the newest waterslide at Rykers.
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