Airplanes are what marketers call "a captive audience". Terrorists call them "a really easily influenced and theoretically disposable captive audience". Canada Dry and Schweppes call them "the only place people really have a 16-33% shot at choosing our product depending on whether or not they drink diet soda because if they do than it's a 16% chance but if they don't than it's as high as a 33% chance if they're choosing a soft drink".
You have known this for quite some time, you have just decided not to think about it:
When you're on a plane, your soft drink beverage choices are:
coke, diet coke, sprite, diet sprite, ginger ale.
That is all.
It is possible that the reason for this is that ginger ale is supposedly theoretically presumably old wives tale-ianly good for your stomach when your stomach isn't good to you. I do not say the following but I will say it: Hogwash I say.
First of all, so what. Airlines do not do what is good for consumers ever. When you're about to die, they pump you full of pure oxygen. The bovine equivalent of this is pumping a cow full of pure oxygen or succulent morphine right before you slaughter it for it's delicious gooey insides. Animal people would be up in and out of arms over this. Airlines get a free pass. On top of the fact that they make you not care that you are about to die, they do it in a way that makes you not feel bad about being selfish. Pump your self full of that sweet sweet O2 before you help your dying child end his probably extremely nutty panic attack.
Because children know that planes zooming down equals not fun death.
Airplanes are all about me-first mentality. Selfishness. This does not run down the same river as "providing a soft drink option that might ease stomach cramps among our non-pms flight crowd", as much as "non-pms flight crowd" is definitely the kind of thing you would find in a corporate airline guideline manual journal thing.
Secondly of all, so what. Taco Bell and other locally run delis manufacture and sell yummy things that make your tummy go kablooey all over your potty. Most of these eat holes give you soft drink options including:
coke, diet coke, sprite, diet sprite, orange colored soda, root beer colored soda
or if they are owned by weird people that drink pepsi:
pepsi, diet pepsi, 7up, diet 7up, oranged colored pepsi soda, dr. pepper colored pepsi soda.
Not ginger ale.
My thesis here is not that just because airline people do not care about you does not mean they care about you less than taco bell people. Nor is it that you have to pay for drinks at a restaurant but not on a plane (yet. Or at least you don't have to for the first one on some flights.)
So shut up.
Obviously, ginger ale is not in the top 5 of the non-diet soda drinking billboard chart.
Do ginger ale conglomerates strong arm airlines into pushing their product?
I do not have a strong arm.
Do ginger ale conglomerates strong arm airlines into getting rid of unused product?
I am not unused product.
Do airlines not like orange colored soda or root beer colored soda?
This is a possibility:
Evidence A: No fat chicks on planes.
Evidence No. B: No fat chicks who are guys on planes.
But that can't be it, because of the diet sodas and coke is bad for you if you don't want to be a fat chick issue.
I think most airline people don't know why they carry it. I think most airline people haven't known for a long time.
I think one of the first FAA head guy people was a big ginger ale fan and they've all been posthumously kissing his ass assuming he's dead. One of those "we do it because we've always done it" things, even though the original reason for doing it was to kiss a guy's ass who liked the ginger ale bubbly feel on his ass when the airlines kissed it. To be fair, ginger ale bubbles do feel better on your ass than say a dr pepper colored orange flavored pepsi soda drink.
But still this is weird.
Which is why I only drink Mountain Dew on flights.
You have known this for quite some time, you have just decided not to think about it:
When you're on a plane, your soft drink beverage choices are:
coke, diet coke, sprite, diet sprite, ginger ale.
That is all.
It is possible that the reason for this is that ginger ale is supposedly theoretically presumably old wives tale-ianly good for your stomach when your stomach isn't good to you. I do not say the following but I will say it: Hogwash I say.
First of all, so what. Airlines do not do what is good for consumers ever. When you're about to die, they pump you full of pure oxygen. The bovine equivalent of this is pumping a cow full of pure oxygen or succulent morphine right before you slaughter it for it's delicious gooey insides. Animal people would be up in and out of arms over this. Airlines get a free pass. On top of the fact that they make you not care that you are about to die, they do it in a way that makes you not feel bad about being selfish. Pump your self full of that sweet sweet O2 before you help your dying child end his probably extremely nutty panic attack.
Because children know that planes zooming down equals not fun death.
Airplanes are all about me-first mentality. Selfishness. This does not run down the same river as "providing a soft drink option that might ease stomach cramps among our non-pms flight crowd", as much as "non-pms flight crowd" is definitely the kind of thing you would find in a corporate airline guideline manual journal thing.
Secondly of all, so what. Taco Bell and other locally run delis manufacture and sell yummy things that make your tummy go kablooey all over your potty. Most of these eat holes give you soft drink options including:
coke, diet coke, sprite, diet sprite, orange colored soda, root beer colored soda
or if they are owned by weird people that drink pepsi:
pepsi, diet pepsi, 7up, diet 7up, oranged colored pepsi soda, dr. pepper colored pepsi soda.
Not ginger ale.
My thesis here is not that just because airline people do not care about you does not mean they care about you less than taco bell people. Nor is it that you have to pay for drinks at a restaurant but not on a plane (yet. Or at least you don't have to for the first one on some flights.)
So shut up.
Obviously, ginger ale is not in the top 5 of the non-diet soda drinking billboard chart.
Do ginger ale conglomerates strong arm airlines into pushing their product?
I do not have a strong arm.
Do ginger ale conglomerates strong arm airlines into getting rid of unused product?
I am not unused product.
Do airlines not like orange colored soda or root beer colored soda?
This is a possibility:
Evidence A: No fat chicks on planes.
Evidence No. B: No fat chicks who are guys on planes.
But that can't be it, because of the diet sodas and coke is bad for you if you don't want to be a fat chick issue.
I think most airline people don't know why they carry it. I think most airline people haven't known for a long time.
I think one of the first FAA head guy people was a big ginger ale fan and they've all been posthumously kissing his ass assuming he's dead. One of those "we do it because we've always done it" things, even though the original reason for doing it was to kiss a guy's ass who liked the ginger ale bubbly feel on his ass when the airlines kissed it. To be fair, ginger ale bubbles do feel better on your ass than say a dr pepper colored orange flavored pepsi soda drink.
But still this is weird.
Which is why I only drink Mountain Dew on flights.
RSS Feed