As a matter of fact.
This is usually used before the truth is told. However, this is also usually the point in the conversation where I expect you to lie. As a matter of fact, that's the opposite of what makes sense.
Unless you're a total fecesface or a pathological liar, I'll assume whatever it is you're about to say, is at the very least, a matter of educated guessing or assumption. As a matter of fact, every time you use the phrase "as a matter of fact" you're wasting my time, destroying the planet and putting the terrorists up by an extra touchdown.
Thanks a ton.
A ton of what? Hyperbole? Thanks, a ton of asskissing! You saved my spot in line at Starbucks! Thanks a ton of crappy coffee! The ton is a very large unit of measurement. The thanks is a unit of appreciation. This would be like saying "you walked a full mile liter." I will now thank you with a ton of fists pretending to colonoscopize you.
Colonoscopize.
To give the colonoscopy. The only thing that doesn't make sense is that it's not recognized as a word. If only someone could colonoscopize.
Self explanatory.
Don't be racist. Just because inanimate objects, nouns and adjectives from whatever country you come from can explain themselves in a clear and precise manner using whatever funny sounding language you speak, doesn't mean it's true everywhere. The only thing that explains itself are stupid people who matter-of-factly thank me for colonoscopizing them.
Correctional Facility.
This is usually used before the truth is told. However, this is also usually the point in the conversation where I expect you to lie. As a matter of fact, that's the opposite of what makes sense.
Unless you're a total fecesface or a pathological liar, I'll assume whatever it is you're about to say, is at the very least, a matter of educated guessing or assumption. As a matter of fact, every time you use the phrase "as a matter of fact" you're wasting my time, destroying the planet and putting the terrorists up by an extra touchdown.
Thanks a ton.
A ton of what? Hyperbole? Thanks, a ton of asskissing! You saved my spot in line at Starbucks! Thanks a ton of crappy coffee! The ton is a very large unit of measurement. The thanks is a unit of appreciation. This would be like saying "you walked a full mile liter." I will now thank you with a ton of fists pretending to colonoscopize you.
Colonoscopize.
To give the colonoscopy. The only thing that doesn't make sense is that it's not recognized as a word. If only someone could colonoscopize.
Self explanatory.
Don't be racist. Just because inanimate objects, nouns and adjectives from whatever country you come from can explain themselves in a clear and precise manner using whatever funny sounding language you speak, doesn't mean it's true everywhere. The only thing that explains itself are stupid people who matter-of-factly thank me for colonoscopizing them.
Correctional Facility.
You have just murdered 8 squirrels and 3 priests. You have been found guilty. You will now spend the next 4 months in a repair shop. Where you won't be repaired. You may be broken, you will definitely be colonoscopized, and strange creepy women will write letters to you.
Jury of your peers.
The whole point of being someone who kills 2.66 times as many squirrels as priests is that you probably don't have many peers. Definitely less than 11. Even more rare would be if they lived in the same court district. Besides the obvious problem of having people just like you decide whether or not what you did is wrong. For example, G
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