Oh boy, if you really can't tell the difference between being hopped up on drugs and cutting someone open to save their life, well then, you just haven't played baseball the right way. Rule number one: Lidocaine won't make you stronger. But it will take the soreness out of your ass. After you get sore from the injection.
Nothing feels better than a smooth frothy injection in your ass. Unless it's a lidocaine injection. Then you want the chewables. They come in cherry, mint, and aquamarine.
Dolphins don't take lidocaine to make them recover from injuries, because they uses Human Growth Hormone. This helps them build stronger human muscles, for communicating with seagulls.
Rule number two: The centerfielder's job is to overcompensate for the fact that the rightfielder's job is to be inadequate at defending right field. Point in case: Roger Staubach. If you're cheering from the right field bleachers, make sure to bring lots of corn syrup. It can coat your throat and relieve itchyness caused by having to go to a Tigers game. Don't drink it, it's meant as an eye lubricant. Simply dip your eyelashes, one at a time, on the nozzle of the corn syrup trigger. The tingling sensation lets you know it's working.
Rule number 3: Do not eat the umpires. They are for your visual amusement only, and are covered in a phosphorous-based bacteria that, when swallowed, coagulates with red blood cells to become Lisa Kudrow.
Keep these rules at hand at all times, and you'll be sure to enjoy whatever entertainment you're pretending to partake in.
Nothing feels better than a smooth frothy injection in your ass. Unless it's a lidocaine injection. Then you want the chewables. They come in cherry, mint, and aquamarine.
Dolphins don't take lidocaine to make them recover from injuries, because they uses Human Growth Hormone. This helps them build stronger human muscles, for communicating with seagulls.
Rule number two: The centerfielder's job is to overcompensate for the fact that the rightfielder's job is to be inadequate at defending right field. Point in case: Roger Staubach. If you're cheering from the right field bleachers, make sure to bring lots of corn syrup. It can coat your throat and relieve itchyness caused by having to go to a Tigers game. Don't drink it, it's meant as an eye lubricant. Simply dip your eyelashes, one at a time, on the nozzle of the corn syrup trigger. The tingling sensation lets you know it's working.
Rule number 3: Do not eat the umpires. They are for your visual amusement only, and are covered in a phosphorous-based bacteria that, when swallowed, coagulates with red blood cells to become Lisa Kudrow.
Keep these rules at hand at all times, and you'll be sure to enjoy whatever entertainment you're pretending to partake in.
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